I’m cringing right now. Butterfly’s in my stomach

I’m running out of patience and going insane waiting for my husband to hit his rock bottom. His family still enables him, even after he attempted treatment a few months ago. His sister continued having him over for “cooking nights” which always turned into drinking and blackouts. His job is always there for him, even with several “sick days” every month. He has no duis YET, because I hide his car keys. His doctor gave him a high pass on his last physical, despite him eating junk food and passed out on the couch drunk so much. I am a recovering alcoholic myself, hit my bottom after being arrested trying to kick him out of my house using a pipe to defend myself against him, after he broke my arm, (he was not held accountable) and I have a domestic felony record now. If my employer found this out, I would lose my job, but his job is secure. I have countless police reports of me calling 911 for help because I did not approve of his drinking endangered his 10 year of daughter when she visited. My ex took custody of my daughter because of the constant drama here. He continues to drink openly around me, which creates a hopeless environment and so I relapse often. I am financially and emotionally dependent on him, ensuring he will always have a home because I’m not mentally able to kick him out. I have no family or friends due to his drinking, so struggle alone. My aa fellows do not intervene or help, tell me to read certain pages of the Big Book, fed up sponsors come and go. It is an endless cycle, with no end or bottom in sight. I would rather shoot myself before I go to another pointless al-anon meeting, or listen to the whining zoom aa meetings, telling me what I already know- it’s all my own fault I’m where I am and so will it not end. Rock bottom is an unreachable blessing to me.

Good story Wombat. It’s always nice to read things that remind me to stay sober and not pick up ever again!

Thank you for this blog… I found it encouraging and refreshing not to mention inspirational! 24 years is amazing , I too aspire to one day say the the same. I totally agree that a need to change within ourselves is a tool that may work hand in hand to control the desire to blame a substance.

What a great parallel. Thanks for sharing that.

Thanks;
I needed that.

Me too.

Really good one here thank you definitely helped me today

Very good

Hello

Great read!

Thank you, I honestly never thought that I would get to the point where I would just not remember anything. All I wanted was just a taste of alcohol to make me feel OK. Somehow it gave me a piece but that piece only lasted for a couple of minutes. Then I was drinking more, then I couldn’t remember anything that I said or did. I now really understand what they say this disease is cunning baffling and powerful. I am afraid of it and I need help. . I also believe that it is not me who is talking when I am drinking it is almost like another person has taken over my whole soul and spirit and heart and controlling me it’s really frightening.

Awesome this really hits home.

Well written. Good points all the way around. If we don’t deal with the underlying issues of our drinking and using, we may be substance clear, but not truly sober and clean.

Great read!

Glad you now have your headgear on! I am enjoying your storytelling and applications to the 12 steps.

Very good read for a newbie like me.

Hi this is the first time I have been on a blog and I find you quite interesting. I don’t know if I am as interesting as you are. Right now I am pretty sure I am at my bottom. I’ve done all the things you do on the way there. First I lost friends, family was next, the job was the next thing to go. I know I need to stop, I think of it everyday, just like I think like how I can get high. I know if I stop the bad things will stop

Thank you for your perspective. You gave me a lot to think about.