I’m cringing right now. Butterfly’s in my stomach

I’m running out of patience and going insane waiting for my husband to hit his rock bottom. His family still enables him, even after he attempted treatment a few months ago. His sister continued having him over for “cooking nights” which always turned into drinking and blackouts. His job is always there for him, even with several “sick days” every month. He has no duis YET, because I hide his car keys. His doctor gave him a high pass on his last physical, despite him eating junk food and passed out on the couch drunk so much. I am a recovering alcoholic myself, hit my bottom after being arrested trying to kick him out of my house using a pipe to defend myself against him, after he broke my arm, (he was not held accountable) and I have a domestic felony record now. If my employer found this out, I would lose my job, but his job is secure. I have countless police reports of me calling 911 for help because I did not approve of his drinking endangered his 10 year of daughter when she visited. My ex took custody of my daughter because of the constant drama here. He continues to drink openly around me, which creates a hopeless environment and so I relapse often. I am financially and emotionally dependent on him, ensuring he will always have a home because I’m not mentally able to kick him out. I have no family or friends due to his drinking, so struggle alone. My aa fellows do not intervene or help, tell me to read certain pages of the Big Book, fed up sponsors come and go. It is an endless cycle, with no end or bottom in sight. I would rather shoot myself before I go to another pointless al-anon meeting, or listen to the whining zoom aa meetings, telling me what I already know- it’s all my own fault I’m where I am and so will it not end. Rock bottom is an unreachable blessing to me.

Good story Wombat. It’s always nice to read things that remind me to stay sober and not pick up ever again!